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Sneaky doctor

Mr Jones ;Doc I have go a bad chest okay tell me about it Mr Jones ;it started over 2 weeks ago and this cough has refused to stop , always coughing and I am bringing up green phlegm . Last night I had the shakes and then  I was very sweaty afterwards . Me ; okay Mr Jones any chest pain Mr Jone s;no Me ; any back pain Mr Jones ;no Me ; any hoarseness of your voice Mr Jones ;no Me ; any loss of appetite Mr Jones ;yes Me ; any weight loss Mr Jones ;no Me; how many pillows do you sleep with Mr Jones ;2 Me; so who is at home with you [patient smiles for the first time ] Mr Jones ;doctor do you wanna sneak in tonight ? Me; what?? I mean what did you say Mr Jones ; oh doc I was wondering if you wanted to come visit since you were asking who is at home with me Me ; Mr Jones I was asking because I am a bit worried about you and i just wanted to know if you had someone at home to look after you as its the weekend [crest fallen face ] Mr Jones ; oh! happy weekend pee
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Friday Palava

Miss B; Hello doctor I think I have a water infection Me; okay why do you think so ?  Miss B; oh doctor it burns when I wee Me; really ? anything else Miss B; I go more often and I am waking up at night to wee Me; okay sounds like a urine infection you might be right Miss B; yeah doc I even brought a sample .....few minutes later Me; yes miss B your were right , your sample is positive for urine infection Miss B; oh no ! I knew it Me;  I will have to prescribe antibiotics for you to use for the next few days Miss B; okay doc thanks Me; here you go take this antibiotics as prescribed and let me know if symptoms do not improve Miss B; okay doc.... yeah before I leave , can I have alcohol with this ? you see see doc its my mates hen do tonight ? so can I drink alcohol Me ;  [ in my head ] Oh no! not again So what should my response be ? because I seem to be getting this question all the time especially on fridays. should.
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ITS BALL SEASON!

Why should I know how my testes feel? Although generally unc ommon, cancer of the testes is the most common cancer in young men in the UK. About 1 in 500, between the ages of 15-50 years will develop testicular cancer. The main cause is not known.  However, if caught early it is one of the easiest cancers to treat and cure.  If you know how your testes normally feel. Any changes would then be easier to detect. This is especially important for brothers of people with cancer of the testis, as they have a higher-than-average chance of developing this type of cancer. Normal testes The best time to feel your testes is after a bath or shower when your are relaxed.  Hold each testis in turn in the palm of a hand, and use your finger and thumb gently to feel the testes and nearby structures. It is normal for one testis to be slightly bigger than the other, and for one to hang slightly lower than the other.  The testes themselves feel like smooth, soft balls inside the
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DELIEVER ME FROM ZITS!!!

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Hi doc, I am a 21 years old and in university, I have suffered with acne since I was 13 years old. Initially my mum used to get me facial wash and scrubs and this helped for a while, but when I left home for college I just got into the habit of not washing my face before bed time and as students you know we tend to eat a lot of fast foods and my friends say this could be one of the causes . A year ago I got through a horrible break-up, I was so stressed and my acne got so bad , after a while this cleared up . However for the past 4 months my acne has got progressively worse my face & jaw is covered in cyst like nodules, I have spots all over my chest  and back.  This is so awful,  I have been embarrassed to leave the house and when I do I avoid facing people for too long hoping they won't notice. But its really not attractive and hard not to notice when it is all over my cheeks, so many red hard lump spots and loads of whiteheads. I have spent a fortune on various creams,
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DOCTORS ARE ILLUMINATI

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Receptionist ; Doctor there is a gentleman on the phone, neighbour to one of our patient's Mrs Applebottom, he wants you to kindly review her because she has been acting weirdly lately.  He said Mrs Applebottom has been urinating in his garden and flower pots and other neighbours' as well. Me ; okay put her down for a visit, I will assess her this afternoon. 2 hours later in front of a nice terraced Victorian house, pleasantly smiling lady in her late 60's opens the door .  Me ;  Hello its doctor, I have been asked to see you.   Mrs Applebottom ; Doc do come in  but I don't recall asking for a doctor's visit. Once inside I made a quick survey of her living room which was neat and tastefully furnished. I spent the next 20 minutes asking about her general health and family. She behaved appropriately and answered all the questions brilliantly. At this stage I was convinced it was just a troublesome neighbour probably taking advantage of the fact she ha
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YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY I GOT LOVE IN MY TUMMY

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I have been seeing Clara for the last 6 months , a pretty petite lady who has been quite anxious and trying to conceive for the last 8 months  Clara; hello doctor , I have got good news for you  Me ; hello Clara how have you been and what is the news  Clara ; I am pregnant doctor , I am pregnant! oh gosh doctor I am so excited! she exclaimed '' I have done 4 home pregnancy test already to confirm it''  I congratulated her [it brings joy to see your patient happy] and i went ahead to discuss some antenatal basics and when i got to dietary advice her face lit up Clara ; Doctor, I am going to love being pregnant because I have a good excuse to eat everything , no more calorie counting or weight watching yeahhyyy! Funny lady cracked me up just had to let her enjoy the moment, but I still gave some dietary advice before she left. A healthy diet is an important part of a healthy lifestyle at any time, but is especially vital if you're pregnant or plannin
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FUNNY CONSULTATIONS .... POLITICAL DOCTOR.

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I was just rounding up with Mrs Toolbee a lovely 87 years old lady who I see almost every 2 weeks , I was already running late for my next patient because she always has a good story for me in-between consultations.  Me ; okay Mrs Toolbee let me know if this cough doesn't stop after you complete this course of antibiotics  Mrs Toolbee ; okay doc thanks  Just as she got close to the door  she turns around walks back and takes a seat clears her throat........ Mrs Toolbee ; Oh doc before I forget,  something is frustrating me  Me ; What exactly do you mean? Mrs Toolbee ; Doc the only time I go out  I have is when I come to see you or go to the grocery shop Me ; How do you mean ? Mrs Toolbee ; Last year the council got over a million pounds to develop the community and asked the locals  for suggestions on what to use it for, I gave a suggestion for a community centre for oldies like me and our teenagers but nothing has been done, I have no friends and nowhere to
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